Children's School - Directors Corner

For Parents

Director's Corner
March 2002
Dr. Sharon Carver

Because so many parents have been asking for advice about Discipline lately, I thought I'd share some basic principles with the whole Children's School community.

Remember that your child patterns his or her behavior after yours. Be sure to act and speak as you want your child to act and speak. Also take advantage of their interest by verbally emphasizing the behavior you want them to copy (e.g., did you see the way I ...; that's important to do/say because ...).

Keep your expectations in line with the child's capabilities. As children work on mastering new tasks, they will certainly work slowly, make mistakes, and possibly spill or break something. Reward the child for effort and progress rather than expecting success.

Offer the child a choice of positive options. For example, when a child is having trouble sharing, you might offer, "Would you like to share these blocks with Eileen or play with ... over here?" If getting the bedtime routine started is a problem, try offering a choice of orders ("Should we take a bath first or brush your teeth?"). Notice that the child does not have to option to hoard the blocks or do something other than part of the bedtime routine. The key is that the child feels a sense of control by having a real choice.

Choose only one or two issues to emphasize at a time, typically the particular negative behaviors that are the most frustrating to you or are the most difficult to manage at home and school. Be sure to talk with the child about the appropriate behavior and to spend as much energy praising him or her for doing the right thing as you spend correcting inappropriate behavior in those areas.

Use rewards sparingly. Moderate use of small rewards can motivate a child, but excessive use conveys the message that one conforms to expectations in order to acquire something.

Overall, consistency is the key. Research shows that children all over the world benefit the most from parents who consistently demonstrate their love by setting reasonable boundaries for children's behavior and consistently enforcing them with appropriate praise and consequences. Remember your long-term goal of developing responsible, self-reliant individuals.

Recommended Reading:
Positive Discipline for Preschoolers For Their Early Years - Raising Children Who Are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful
Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, and Roslyn Duffy
1998, Prima Publishing

NOTE: This book is very readable, practical, and encouraging for parents.