Dear Parents,

Surely our lives have all been touched in many ways by the events of the last 26 hours. Just as surely, we have been affected in ways that are not yet clear to us. We have watched in horror as people just like us have suffered unspeakable evil. As President Bush said, we have all seen the face of evil.

In the midst of this time, we all ­ including our children ­ have questions. Here at the Children's School, we have done our best to demonstrate and affirm to your children that they are safe. Each of our teachers has responded to the children's questions and comments in a simple, truthful manner. There have actually been few such exchanges this morning, and the children's play, painting, et cetera, have been typical. We will continue to respond in this manner as issues arise.

The attached articles give concise suggestions for adult interactions with children during times of uncertainty and stress caused by disasters. The basic approach is to be present for comfort, to be responsive to the children¹s emotions and questions, and to be proactive in limiting media exposure. We also suggest that, if you are discussing the perpetrators of the attacks, you focus on individuals who make bad choices about the ways to handle their anger rather than generalizing to groups of people with certain cultural or religious beliefs. Peace can only be achieved by teaching all of our children to respect differences and handle conflicts appropriately.

Please feel free to contact me or any of the Children's School staff for assistance or additional resources.

Warm regards,
Sharon M. Carver
Director

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Responding to Terrorism: What Parents Can Do
From the Children's Hospital web site (www.chp.edu)

In times of crisis, spend extra time with your children.

Before telling your children what happened, first find out what they know. You can ask, "What do you think happened?" Then answer their questions on an age-appropriate level. Answers should be brief, simple and should address what your child has asked.

Consider using the following phrases to elicit a child's feelings: "It's scary hearing about a plane crash and people getting hurt. You must feel frightened..." "It sounds like you have some strong feelings. Tell me about it..."

Allow your children to respond to you, and give them your full attention.

If your children are young, sit with them and encourage them to draw pictures of what's going on or how they're feeling. Then, talk about what they've drawn to get them talking about their emotions.

Hearing and viewing repeated news reports about terrorism and violence is frightening to children. Limit your children's access to news reports covering violence.

If children hear about violence in the news or see a news report, allow them to talk about how it makes them feel. Acknowledge their feelings, which may range from fear to sadness or confusion. Reassure them that you will help keep them safe and tell them that when they are at school their teachers will help keep them safe. Remind them that the police, fire departments and other government officials also are working to protect them and others.

The emotional support of parents helps children work through tough issues. Reassure them that you love them.

Remain calm when talking with your children. Children tend to reflect their parent's emotions.

Children's anxiety may not go away overnight. Provide ongoing emotional support. If children experience extreme anxiety after a few weeks or are afraid to go to school, consider getting professional counseling. Some signs of extreme anxiety include recurring nightmares, acting withdrawn or not showing emotions, sudden aggression or a sudden disinterest in people or activities.

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How to Help Your Child after a Disaster
from Paul Quinlan, D.O., chief of inpatient child & adolescent psychiatry, UMHS

In the course of recent events we can find ourselves asking how do we help our children when they are exposed to a disaster. A fundamental rule is to help with their reaction to these events by listening and talking with them. A child can recognize worry in a parent. A parent should not try to hide or minimize fear and worry that can occur in the wake of a disaster.

Begin by asking your child what worries does she or he have about what has happened. It is healthy to tell a child that you may not have all the answers and like them, you can have worries too. Help them by explaining that worry is a normal reaction in this situation and that we can do things to better manage our worries. It is also a normal reaction to feel bad for those who have suffered from the disaster, it is part of growing up and developing empathy for others. Empathy and worry are not bad feelings.

A question of whether a child should be permitted to see the frightening scenes on television should be based on the child's age. The best way to monitor what a child sees on television is by watching television with your child. The more closely a child is associated with the disaster (a death of a friend or relative), the more the risk for the child to become preoccupied with thoughts about the disaster. Professional help should be sought if the preoccupation interferes with the child's normal activities such as going to school, difficulty with sleep or even going outside.

If your child is an adolescent, he or she will likely respond to a disaster differently than a younger child. The adolescent may become argumentative, hostile or say things which can seem quite callous. It is important to not engage in arguing with them or chastising them. Keep your head. Be patient and supportive of your adolescent as he or she learns to come to terms with his or her own feelings about these events. You need to be there to listen and share your feelings of fear and worry so they can learn from you how to better cope in these difficult times.

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Dear Neighbors,

With the recent terrorist events in the news, we've been thinking about our neighbors, and we wanted to share with you some things that Fred Rogers has offered families and caregivers at similar times. We hope these comments will be helpful for you. Like you, all of us here at Family Communications, Inc. are grieving for those whose lives have been tragically affected. Somewhere deep inside each one of us human beings is a longing to know that all will be well. Our children need to hear from us adults that we will do everything we can to keep them safe and to help them grow in this world. When Fred Rogers was a boy and would see scary things on the news, his mother would say to him, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." In a time of worldwide stress, it's easy to give in to feeling helpless. We can take care of our children by sticking to our normal routines. And to respect our children enough to listen to what they're telling us. And to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers. On our website, www.misterrogers.org, in the Newsworthy section, you will find more ways to help children with the events that have occurred in our country.

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Resources for Talking with Children About the Tragedy

Our hopes and prayers are with all of the individuals and families in New York and Washington, and acorss the country who have suffered in this tragedy. In light of yesterday's sad events, we thought we would provide you with some resources for talking with children about the tragedy. These are general resources that can be used by parents, teachers, and other caregivers to help children through these difficult days. The following websites have useful information:
-- The Parent Center: www.parentcenter.com/general/34754.html
-- American Academy of Pediatrics: www.aap.org/advocacy/releases/disastercomm.htm
-- American Psychological Association: http://helping.apa.org/therapy/traumaticstress.html#children
-- American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: http://www.aacap.org/

Some general advice from the experts includes:

1. Continuously reassure your children that you will help to keep them safe.

2. Turn off the TV. Overexposure to the media can be traumatizing. If your older children are watching the news, be sure to watch with them.

3. Be aware that your child's age will affect his or her response. Adolescents in particular may be hard hit by these kinds of events. Obtaining counseling for a child or adolescent soon after a disaster may reduce long-term effects.

4. Calmly express your emotions--remember that a composed demeanor will provide a greater sense of security for your child.

5. Give your children extra time and attention and plan to spend more time with your children in the following months.

6. Let your children ask questions, talk about what happened, and express their feelings.

7. Play with children who can't talk yet to help them work out their fears and respond to the atmosphere around them.

8. Keep regular schedules for activities such as eating, playing and going to bed to help restore a sense of security and normalcy.

9. Consider how you and your child can help. Children are better able to regain their sense of power and security if they feel they can help in some way.

For more information on helping victims of the U.S. attacks, visit: http://helping.org/promos/cs_wtc.adp

The United Way of New York and the New York Community Trust have established a fund to help the victims of the attacks and their families. The September Eleventh Fund will provide immediate support to established emergency assistance agencies. Anyone wishing to contribute may send their donations in care of, United Way, 2 Park Ave, New York, NY, 10016 or call 212-251-4035. Donations are also being accepted on United Way of New York City's Web site: http://www.uwnyc.org.

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Helping Children Cope with Disaster

As all of us struggle to deal with the tragic and terrible events of September 11, it's important to recognize how young children may be especially affected by these terrorist acts. Parents and others who care for young children need to provide comfort, reassurance and stability.

When children witness violent events, directly or on television, the result is often fear and confusion. Not only can the sudden and unexpected nature of many disasters cause high anxiety and even panic, but young children are also most fearful when they do not understand what is happening around them. Their feelings and reactions should be expected and considered natural.

Helping children deal with their reactions to this disaster can be challenging when adults haven't had adequate time to deal with their own reactions, but adults should remember that children are very perceptive, and will quickly recognize the fear and anxiety that adults are experiencing.

The following strategies can help parents and other adults give children the emotional support they need, and show them that you are there to take care of them.

Give reassurance and physical comfort.
Physically holding children brings comfort and a sense of security. Children need extra hugs, smiles and hand-holding. Reassure them that they are safe and that there is someone there to take care of them. Hearing a family member or a teacher say, "I will take care of you," makes children feel safe. Young children have great faith in adults' powers and are responsive to adult reassurances. Model and demonstrate coping skills, because children will imitate adults in reacting to the situation.

Provide structure.
Children need to find consistency and security in their day, especially when the rest of their life is unpredictable. Provide a framework that will be the same from day to day. Emphasize familiar routines at playtime, clean-up, naptime, meals and bedtime. Make sure children are getting appropriate sleep, exercise and nutrition. Play soothing music and model moving slowly and using a quiet voice. Children may have a difficult time accepting routines and other limits, but persevere by being firm and supportive. Make decisions for children when they cannot cope with choice.

Welcome children's talking about the disaster.
Children regain a sense of control by talking about things that bother them, and talking with a supportive adult can help them clarify their feelings. At the same time, children should not be pressured to talk; they may need time to absorb these experiences before discussing them. To help children feel comfortable, parents and other adults can share their own feelings of fear and anxiety, but they should always do so in a calm, reassuring way. For example, you might say, "I was frightened when I saw the explosions, but I knew there were people who were ready to help out." What children need most is to feel that the situation is under control.

Focus on experiences that help children release tension.
Give children more time for the relaxing, therapeutic experience of playing with sand, water, clay and playdough.
Provide plenty of time and opportunity for children to work out their concerns and feelings through dramatic play. Create props that children can use to pretend they are firefighters, doctors, rescue workers or other helpers. In dramatic play, children can pretend that they are big and strong to gain control over their trauma and to overcome feelings of helplessness.
Spend more time in settings that give children opportunities for physical activity and that provide an emotional release.

Model peaceful resolution to conflict.
Peaceful resolution to conflict is one way to give children a stronger sense of power and control, especially critical in the wake of a disaster, which leaves them feeling powerless. Because children who have experienced the emotional trauma and violence of disaster often behave aggressively, they need to see alternatives to using violence to solve problems.

Maintain perspective.
As we learn more about the individuals who are responsible for these tragic events, adults must help children avoid making inappropriate assumptions and using labels about groups of people based on their race, ethnicity, religious background or national origin.
Watch for changes in behavior.
Mental health professionals suggest that, children, like adults, may exhibit symptoms of stress following a disaster. For preschoolers, such symptoms may include thumbsucking, bedwetting, clinging, changes in sleep or eating patterns, and isolation from other children. Older children may be irritable or aggressive and display poor concentration, among other changes in their behavior. Experts also suggest that it is natural for children to display behavioral changes as they emotionally process their anxiety and fear.

NAEYC has several other resources on our Web site that may be helpful for parents and others who work with young children:

Discussing the News with 3- to 7-Year-Olds: What to Do? http://www.naeyc.org/resources/eyly/1998/22.htm

Helping Children Cope with Violence http://www.naeyc.org/resources/eyly/1998/01.htm

Additional helpful sites on the Web include:
American Academy of Pediatrics > http://www.aap.org/
"Helping Children Deal with Scary News" from Mr. Rogers/Family Communications, Inc. > http://www.misterrogers.org/families/
National Association of School Psychologists > http://www.nasponline.org/ Koplow, L. Unsmiling faces: How Preschools can heal, Teachers College Press, 1996. Miller, K. The Crisis Manual for Early Childhood Teachers, Gryphon House, 1996. Monahan, C. Children and Trauma: A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Heal, Lexington Books, 1993.

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