Abuse of Perceptual Grouping In Youth Dancing Worries Psychologists

Word of a new dance craze sweeping the nation troubles perceptual psychologists.

“I just don’t understand it,” says Mike Tarr, “This is a beautiful psychological effect that’s being abused for cheap amusement.”

Dr. Tarr is referring to the increasing use of visual perceptual grouping principles to appear to defy gravity in dance moves.  Word from multiple sources confirms that teenagers have been seen reading Steve Pinker’s classics “Visual Cogntion” and “How The Brain Works” to gain inspiration for their dance moves.

“I really don’t get what the big deal is,” says post-doctoral fellow and cognitive neuroscientist Elissa Aminoff, “I go to parties all the time and see some really crazy but interesting stuff straight out of my textbooks. It’s not hurting anybody.”

But Dr. Tarr begs to differ.  ”Who knows what continued exposure to these perceptual illusions will do to our experiments!  We know the brain is highly plastic and changes with experience.  Will the effect of regularly seeing these illusions on the dance floor and in parties reduce the effect sizes we obtain in our lab experiments?  If so, I think it could be highly detrimental to perceptual science.”

The PLB has obtained exclusive footage of such so called PerGroupStep being performed.

Low Probability Event Causes Chaos at Faculty Meeting

A widespread panic erupted at this week’s faculty meeting upon hearing that there is a 6% probability that national funding agencies (NIH, NSF, & DARPA) will be cutting their funds by $10 million in 2018 as part of sequester negotiations.

“It was absolute chaos,” said Anna Fisher, “I’d never seen such a thing before. We immediately started preparing for the worst without reading the full announcement.”

“In making our decision about how seriously to consider this event we used an alpha of 0.05,” reported Brian MacWhinney as he boarded up the windows to his office in anticipation of impending armageddon, “So a 6% chance falls outside our confidence bounds, meaning we must consider this a plausible event.”

“Look, I realize that this is a low likelihood of happening,” says Mike Scheier, “But given that it could dramatically affect the department if it does occur I think it warrants a serious discussion.” Scheier then proceeded to walk into his office, light a cigar and begin working on his memoires in anticipation not being Department Head when the financial doomsday may-or-may-not occur.

Others doubted the wisdom of taking such an unprobable event seriously.

“They’ve got it all backwards. They’re rejecting the wrong null hypothesis!” says Mike Tarr, “We should get worried when the chance of it not happening is less than 5%, not when there’s still a 94% chance it wont!”

“Seriously,” said David Creswell, “can’t we all just chill and meditate on this for a while?”

After the panic subsided at the meeting, several faculty members were reported to have run to their offices and signed up with Monster.com and asked colleagues for feedback on their revising resumes.